SUB-PAR

Have you ever come across a band that you wanted to waste your time (and maybe the tears) on? I've had enough trouble with some of the bands I got myself into; they drained me. I still love them with all my heart but there's just an insurmountable amount of things that I can't ignore! Not that I got tired of them, it just feels liberating to not feel like I'm missing out on such a hype whenever they do something new, like release new songs, world tour updates etc., etc., etc. ((I STILL LOVE FALL OUT BOY THOUGH MY HEART IS STILL WITH THEM I AM STILL #FAITHFUL)) 

I guess what I'm trying to say is my personality went out, had a little walk, and went inside a new genre, to do a little exploring... lol. Not that I have been stuck in one genre in forever, but I thought about having new and diverse perspectives! It's fun, actually, to get myself into ~such great heights~ !!! 

I've read a lot about The Strokes since I was in high school but I never really paid them the attention they deserved (which makes me feel sorry for myself). I was such a melodramatic bitch back then, I don't know how I had the guts to ignore them because clearly, they could've contributed to those nights I couldn't endure because I can't find the right song. Also, from what I've read from their interviews, I could've been more insightful and articulate as them, DAMN. 

All thanks to my very good friend Fiel, I finally (FINALLY) gave them a chance. Being an avid reader of Fiel's blog, I've had external knowledge about this band since... maybe when she started talking about them most of the time on twitter, lol. (Thanks again, Fiel.) I started listening to them on a ~religious level~, as I'd like to describe it, weeks ago and I'd like to congratulate myself for doing so. Fiel made me watch this documentary about their European tour, In Transit, and I'm so grateful because it made me like them more, huhu. My favorite album would be Room on Fire, because most of my favorite songs are from that album!!! Those songs speak to me so much it's weird, since I've only started listening to them weeks ago. 

Anyway, here are some shitty screenshots (I watched it on my iPad because my laptop had no charger; I couldn't wait the next morning to borrow the charger from my cousin). (I can download a clearer version, anyway, and watch it every time I feel like it HEH.)

   

This part seemed important to me because it's like a greeting from a new dimension of interest (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ *:･ﾟ

Julian, ~interviewed~ by Ryan Gentles. Ryan was asking him how he feels about the tour in  Europe 

I LAUGHED WAY TOO HARD AT THIS PART, I DON'T KNOW WHY? 

Also this part seemed very important. A smile slowly formed on my face because I thought about how those small-town bands start very small in their garage: limited number of photocopied fliers about their upcoming gig, cheap beer, the horror that the neighbors might call the cops and the phone calls they have to make to get themselves a functional van to get them to a small bar outside town just so they could play in front of a few people - and that's something.

I can't stress enough how this scene made me think a lot about being in a band oh, my god. Look at them pushing!!! Doesn't that make you ambitious about the things you dream of at night •╭╮•

In which I freaked out because I didn't know The Moldy Peaches were touring with them! Kimya Dawson took me by surprise when I saw her face at the ferry scene whie they were on their way to Ireland! So niceeEEEE

IT WAS VERY HARD YET AMUSING TO WATCH THIS. I wish I could say the woman was joking BUT SHE WASN'T because the boys were just laughing and spewing vitriol over how shitty this is. I was very uncomfortable because I almost thought she did it on purpose to make the boys feel like they don't belong there, that they deserve the shade and the occasional sly-digging. This doesn't make any sense now because... YES. 

I love how this holiday break gave me the chance to orient myself to new things!! This post (I think) signals the start of my commitment to the new world. Thank you, Ze Strokes. 

Also yay, a new band to get anxious about (.❂‿❂.)

please don't make this harder

       

Hello. It just dawned on me that life has been very uneventful lately, hence the absence of updates for two months. All thanks to college and my lack of cooperation with the world, I decidedly ignored my hunger for the things I want to orient myself into. You know what I mean - books, television series, movies, the arts, music and of course the people. It kinda makes me sad because I missed out on so many, many, many things and I wasted an awful lot of time. To think that I wasted my time studying would cause a little stir within me because hey, I got pretty decent grades. But I just can't let go of the fact that it took me about 16 weeks to finish a book because my studies got in the way. In those sixteen weeks I was itching to do something worthwhile, other than poring my head over my readings. In those sixteen weeks I felt very anxious because I felt like I wasn't learning anything. In those sixteen weeks I thought about transferring to a different college to take up an art course. In those sixteen weeks I endured the pressure I put upon myself for being a stubborn, ungrateful seventeen-year-old girl because I lacked sleep. On a lighter note, I reminded myself that at least i'm not as ignorant as some of my classmates are. LOL. 

It makes me uncomfortable to think about those sixteen weeks because it reminds me of how vapid I am. I really need to work on my patience and stubbornness. 

With our holiday break, which started a little too early (from November 21st), I got all the time I need to catch up on those things. I was so excited because I got to snatch back the sleep that was stolen from me. Also, I got the chance to ~get in touch~ with my feelings. Not much has changed; it's still the same. It's depressing to think about because I want it go away. Funny how today marks the anniversary of my stupidity over a guy and a mixtape. Trust me, the story of ~us~ got worse.  

The reason why I used Xavier Dolan's character from the movie Les amours imaginaires (more on this soon!) is because I felt his character so much!!! I promise to give you a background on this VERY SOON. God, I missed sharing the movies I absolutely love and writing bad reviews about it. 

Wow i sound so delusional and selfish and narcissistic. 

GROWING UP

It still feels so weird. It's like leaving sixteen years of my life behind. Well it's not like I have to leave and forget them like an unused table napkin. This whole thing felt like a big process of transformation. Normally, metamorphoses approximately last 10-14 days. My own "metamorphosis" lasted for about... four hours. I still remember spacing out in between discussions of the school rules. I can hear everybody muttering and laughing around; my vision starts to blur and I can't help but think about going home. Stream-of-consciousness moment...

Why am I here?

Why am I in college?

What am I supposed to do?

I don't want to grow up!

I'm going fast.

Chronologically, I am seventeen. I feel five.

I want to go home. 

It all happened so very, very fast. 

But LOL, who am I to stop things from happening he way they should. I'm already here. There's nothing I could do about it. It's not like I'm writing this for the lost days that I could have escaped. I'm writing this to let you know how I felt when I was asked to grow up in four hours. (naks).

College used to be this stigma of horror for me. I used to have this vision of what college would be like for me. Going home late at night, Taya by Up Dharma Down, or any UDD song, is playing on the background (or, yes, I'm on my earphones) and the lights would make me feel like I'm in a music video. It's that liberating feeling you get while walking down the road and waiting for a jeep or a bus to take you home.

I thought college was supposed to feel like that.

I know I'm wrong to think of it that way. College is going home as early as you can, chasing time; the most important thing you have to make use of is time. It's that feeling you get at 6 am when the thought of being sleep-deprived just sunk in. It's of making ends meet for this one freaking subject that isn't even related to your major, but you still work your ass off for it because c'mon, you have to survive without risking your summer life. It's missing high school and the faces you've been with for the last four years. 

I'm not even halfway through  my first year, and I know the coming years would bring me more joy and happiness, and a ~*freshie*~ like me thinking about these things would make you laugh but HELLO, not only you have battles to survive. Everyone has. 

College is not easy; it's not hard either. I guess I was just too lax on the idea that it'd feel like high school. It's very different around here. But it's okay??? Yeah I'm still okay. 

Four years to go. 

"I felt very still and

very empty, the way the

eye of a tornado must 

feel, moving dully along

in the middle of the

surrounding hullaballoo"

- Sylvia Plath

UNEXPECTED

I hung out with my best friend last Saturday! I was in bliss because I had no classes. I actually planned to reserve the whole day for reading but then our plans to go out and  ~do something~ pushed through. We kinda did  wanna bail because we were too lazy to move and we wanted to sleep for the whole day. But the chance was laughing in front of our faces; we couldn't let it go! We miss each other so much. So we woke up very early and yay, history.

We met up at SM BF. And seeing her for the first time in almost two months made me laugh, I don't know why. I missed her. She's still so small, nothing changed. Still looks like a pre-schooler HEHEHE. We had lunch at Burger King and we did a lot of catching up. Also there was this girl next to us who just kept on staring at us whenever we make snide remarks about something. She'd turn her head in our way whenever I say/Sam says something. We later on concluded that the girl is not happy and that she's jealous because we are happy and beautiful, instead of judging her. That's how you dodge the hate. Kidding. 

While we were on the way to somewhere, an old woman grabbed our attention. She was crying for help. She said she's not asking for anything from us, that she's selling imported coffee--from Singapore. She was selling it for fifty pesos per packet. She has cancer and she hasn't eaten anything for a day. My heart sank when she started crying. We gave her money and told her that it's okay, she should keep her coffee for her to sell more of it. But she insisted and she started crying even harder and God, I wanted to stay there with her; but we were in a hurry. 

I wonder where her family is. It really disappoints me when they leave their relatives like that! And I really hate seeing things like this because I would literally think about it the whole day. I'd space out every ten minutes and think about what I saw several hours ago. Still thinking about her as of the moment. This will stay with me for the whole month. Or so. God, I hope help has reached her already. I wish I took a picture of her for everyone to see. Maybe someone could've helped her if I took a photo. I'm so stupid. 

Anyway, after sam has fulfilled her duty, we headed straight to Greenbelt to meet her mother. I also missed her mom. 

Kunwari stolen, pero we actually planned on doing that, HAHA. You can see her semi-smile from the side, lol. Also, she fixed her hair for this, please don't judge. Minsan lang kami gumawa ng ganito. 

OBLIGATORY ~FROM WHERE I STAND~ PHOTO!!! I really lik Sam's shoes, especially her blue socks that don't seem to go with her shoes... also the pebbles looked lovely. 

After much wandering around Greenbelt and taking pictures of everything, we finally met up with her mom and went straight to the cinemas to watch If I Stay. I never really finished the book; I actually thought Mia would not stay because I thought the second book, Where She Went, was about Mia going someplace else (a.k.a. HEAVEN, or some alternate universe for dead people... I don't know). 

The movie was very...yeah. I got very emotional at some parts, especially that part wherein Mia's grandpa was reassuring her that it's okay if she wants to go. HIS VOICE CRACKED AS HE REACHED FOR MIA'S HAND. Megatears. I literally had goosebumps during that scene. I just wish Mia had woken up instead because of her grandfather. I love Adam's character. His character is every girl's dream, to be honest. Jamie Blackley played the part unbelievably well. But I really loved that bond Mia had with her grandfather. Sigh, why do we need to romanticize everything. [AGGRESSIVELY STOPS SELF FROM TALKING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE LABEL US GIRLS AS SEXUAL BEINGS WHO ONLY ASPIRE FOR MARRIAGE AND ROMANCE!!!] 

All in all, the movie was...so relatable. Also, yeah, fight me if you think it's uncool of me for not finishing the book! Let's cheers for potential bigotry, hmm. 

Afterward, we went to Bershka and pretended we have money for all the lovely things we found. Especially that black leather jacket. It's still there! It's been three months since I last saw it and I'm glad it's still there. Even though I have no plans of buying it anyway. It's seven grand, what the hell. I guess it's too expensive for their liking. 

Sam's mom left earlier than expected because she has to pick up her little brother, Gio, at Waltermart. Kinda sad because I was expecting us three girls to have dinner. AWW. We had Yellow Cab instead. Sam and I had one Charlie Chan because we weren't that hungry anyway. I MISSED EATING THAT. I LOVE CHARLIE CHAN SO MUCH. 

We went to Cotton On after this. I tried on some cute clothes, and I want them all. So to make up for all the clothes I didn't buy that night, I bought these cute fox socks from Forever 21. Sam and I have matching pairs hehe. HOW BFF-y OF US. 

I really missed this girl. I'm still not used to the fact that I don't see her face everyday, that I don't have lunch with her everyday at the bench with our friends laughing. After next week, we will be on an endless ride of  when-do-I-see-you-again's again. (It's like I'm her boyfriend, wtf). I miss my friends so much, I wish I was with them 24/7. 

Also hello Sam, this post is for you. Please feel better because you are very beautiful (LUH HAHAHA) and yeah that's life. Just look at my face whenever you feel sad and emo. See you again on Saturday. Let's slay!!!! 

TATLONG ORAS NA AKONG NAGPAPA-CUTE SA'YO

There are hundreds of great bands hailing from every corner of Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao. Some are still very active, some are hiding under the dark shadows of the limelight and some chose a different path. I could talk about these bands for a day (especially Up Dharma Down, eep) but will still end up talking about this one band. 

It was a big surprise when this came out two weeks (or so) ago since it has been more than a decade since they published new songs. It's like saying hi to a new friend who was away for a long time. I actually lost hope upon knowing that a lot of people got their copies on the same day it was released; and the fact that only a few copies are available per store. But god behold, my dad got his hands on this one. How he found a copy, I don't know. Thank you, Father Bernas <3

It's a big deal for me and my dad because we are such big fans of this band. Especially my dad, who has a special place in his heart for them. He'd tell me stories about his college life and the Eraserheads was probably a big part of that certain stage in his life. Also, he never failed to orient me to the bands he used to fangirl over. He even copied Kurt Cobain's clothing style back then. So I guess my punk side came from my dad? I am so cool. Lol. 

 Anyhoo, this is the CD with their two new songs. To be honest, I was expecting more but I loved it nevertheless. It still sounds like it came from Cutterpillow. And they are so faithful to their musical style! It changed a bit, yes, but it's a change where you'd still hear the 90's and the Magasin days. I only spent three years in the 90's but I can feel how the loyal Eraserheads fans--who've been there since the beginning--felt. Yes, especially my dad.

 I used to see a lot of their pictures from their London trip earlier this year and I thought it was only because they have a show there and because duh, it's London, that's a very important place!!! ...or so I thought those were the only reasons when I saw Ely's daughter, Una, post a picture of the boys taking a walk along the Abbey Road, á la The Beatles! And there are photographers everywhere so yeah, something was up. I actually thought they'd do a reunion concert here in Manila after that (still hoping!!!) but they introduced this feature instead. Still genius, though. 

 Ligaya is one of my personal favorites! I'm really glad they chose this as the pillar for their comeback. and I believe Pare Ko is the lovechild of Ligaya and Kailan, haha. don't ask, just listen. I need you to agree with me after listening!

 The are indeed millennial; their music traveling from generation to generation. I'm glad I'm part of  that generation who was influenced by the previous generation by their music and musings. 

CINEMALAYA X & BEING ALONE

This was my first time to attend Cinemalaya. I've had external knowledge about this festival since I was 13 years old (or so) but I never really had the time to go to CCP since I was too busy with school and I was too young to go, lol. Anyway, I rode the bus to Vito Cruz and rode the orange jeep to CCP. It felt liberating, really, walking around Manila all on your own--especially because I was alone and it only meant one thing: yay for doing the all the things you want without the pressure of thinking about what your companions what to do! Don't get me wrong, I love being around with people but I can't totally deny the fact that being alone pleasures my whole being and it feels peaceful. I just really love being alone.

The whole place was booming with film enthusiasts. I'd like to laud these people for not letting themselves drown in the mainstream industry, whose goal is to earn the peso sign instead of the breath-of-life sight of cinematography, plot, and art. Film is not dead! 

So since I was alone, I decided to watch a movie. I saw Buwaya and although it had pretty good cinematography, something was missing... for me. It's about a girl attacked  by a giant crocodile in the Agusan Marsh. Basically, the movie was trying to tell the audience that there are monsters living around us (figuratively, okay. Please don't be dumb). So yeah, beware of people trying to feed you with their lies when in reality, they're the ones who are devouring you... heh

I'M SO UPSET because I wasn't able to get tickets for 1st Ko si 3rd!!! God, this movie is so intriguing. I was originally planning on watching this but it sold out pretty fast. I'm really looking forward to seeing this very soon , though. I CAN'T MISS THIS. 

(A lot of people looked at me in disbelief as I take this photo. You cans sense the desperation on this one)

And then I entered this very cold room. It had three interactive kiosks wherein you could watch past Cinemalaya entries on a big screen with your headphones on. I never got to try it, though. I blame those soft, fluffy seats I sat my ass on. Also the smell of pesto from the other room. 

The entries. 

These three were my favorites, by far! I've seen them all and they have a special place in my heart, especially Ang Nawawala. I swear to God, you should see it. Also Bwakaw and Ang Babae sa Septic Tank. 

My block mates finally joined me and YAS SHOWTIME! We saw Dagitab. A few weeks  before, I thought it meant Kuryente. (Well, according to Bob Ong). But it was Sparks, after all. "The Sparks", to be exact.

It was such a quiet, spur-of-the-moment movie. I don't even know how was it "quiet" but for me, it had this sense of honesty within tranquility. They say you can find solitude in muted colors. This movie was very loud when it comes to cinematography but the plot was very straight-to-the-point...quiet. It had strong poetic language and the actors were phenomenal. I loved how Eula Valdez portrayed the character of a wife who has a lot going on in her mind...and her life. She's not really the normal do-the-chores housewife; for God's sake, she gets drunk on a regular (if not occasional) basis--and that's what sparked my attention. 

You really need to see this film; it's a breath-of-life movie, a break from all these senseless features we see on our local cinemas. Judging from the movie poster, you can really feel the peace on this one. This movie can really make you think about your choices. Heh. 

Here, have a photo of Pasay at 4pm.