Thursday, December 18, 2014

please don't make this harder

       


Hello. It just dawned on me that life has been very uneventful lately, hence the absence of updates for two months. All thanks to college and my lack of cooperation with the world, I decidedly ignored my hunger for the things I want to orient myself into. You know what I mean - books, television series, movies, the arts, music and of course the people. It kinda makes me sad because I missed out on so many, many, many things and I wasted an awful lot of time. To think that I wasted my time studying would cause a little stir within me because hey, I got pretty decent grades. But I just can't let go of the fact that it took me about 16 weeks to finish a book because my studies got in the way. In those sixteen weeks I was itching to do something worthwhile, other than poring my head over my readings. In those sixteen weeks I felt very anxious because I felt like I wasn't learning anything. In those sixteen weeks I thought about transferring to a different college to take up an art course. In those sixteen weeks I endured the pressure I put upon myself for being a stubborn, ungrateful seventeen-year-old girl because I lacked sleep. On a lighter note, I reminded myself that at least i'm not as ignorant as some of my classmates are. LOL. 

It makes me uncomfortable to think about those sixteen weeks because it reminds me of how vapid I am. I really need to work on my patience and stubbornness. 

With our holiday break, which started a little too early (from November 21st), I got all the time I need to catch up on those things. I was so excited because I got to snatch back the sleep that was stolen from me. Also, I got the chance to ~get in touch~ with my feelings. Not much has changed; it's still the same. It's depressing to think about because I want it go away. Funny how today marks the anniversary of my stupidity over a guy and a mixtape. Trust me, the story of ~us~ got worse.  

The reason why I used Xavier Dolan's character from the movie Les amours imaginaires (more on this soon!) is because I felt his character so much!!! I promise to give you a background on this VERY SOON. God, I missed sharing the movies I absolutely love and writing bad reviews about it. 

Wow i sound so delusional and selfish and narcissistic. 

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