I'M WHAT TIME AND CONSEQUENCE HAVE MADE ME

I've been surrounding myself with a lot of positive things lately. I don't really like blogging about my real feelings because it's either they're too personal or I'm too scared to let other people know because I know they'd judge me hehe. Anyhoo, I reconnected myself again in the art world! I'm so glad I did this. I felt like a noob for the past three months and it's depressing. I lived a hobo life because I was too sad and heartbroken to even function and use my brain to do productive things. It went on for about a month or two; it kinda felt like a routine for me. 

So then I started to get busy. I read a lot of art blogs, started watching art tutorials on youtube and wrote a lot of things for myself. This is where I thought about getting sober from all that sadness I gave myself in. Three months is short, yes, but it felt like three summers for me. Three summers of waiting over something that's never really going to happen. It's as if the universe is playing a big joke on me. But then I turned it all around started getting my shit together. It's like a do or die mission for me: I stay this way and die or get over myself and start living. I chose the latter, of course. 

I started writing again. I figured that keeping track of your life helps hehehe. 

I tried painting a face but then I failed miserably. I need more practice, meh. 

My attempt at making my journal look prettier, lol. Also my desperate attempt at covering up something real personal. 

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WATERCOLOR PAPER! I realized that using watercolor paper is sooo much better than using normal paper because it actually holds up water. 

My best friends. I use the point-2 most of the time because it's small and helps me do the details better. Plus they're pink; I love them. 

I've been dwelling over this quote from Roald Dahl for the past few weeks now. This is my first piece using watercolor paper. I think this phrase has ~deeper meaning~ for me, lol. 

I would like to give myself a big pat in the back for these flowers. Made me love myself even more, HAHA. 

THIS PAINTING IS SPECIAL TO ME BECAUSE IT CLEARLY REPRESENTS HOW I REALLY FEEL. ONLY I WILL GET THIS. Or maybe you'd get this if you are smart enough. haha

I started to reading Bible passages lately and I don't know, it made me feel ~stronger~ and more capable of handling myself better than I did before. So, thank you, Jesus. You're the bomb. 

UGH. Look at that waste. It looks pretty but then I screwed it all up because I'm so DUMB. I tried redoing it but then...IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE. The first one still looks better for me. But it's so dirty already I want to cry. 

So this is what I have been up to lately. It's so much better than moping around and feeling sorry for myself and getting sad. Of course the sadness is still there, but I'm learning how to handle it. I'm slowly moving, but at least I have made some progress. Looking back at what happened three months ago, I learned that I shouldn't regret it. Of course I'm not the only one who's affected here. (Or maybe I really am the only one affected in this situation). This summer evoked a lot of emotions from me. I'm still waiting, okay. 

I start college tomorrow. This is a big change for me. I'm scared, but I think I can handle myself well.