c. the time I was so scared of absolutely everything

Tethering yourself away from what you grew accustomed with could be the hardest and most impossible job to do, with the unwavering force of distraction holding us back like a deranged mother. It's an incalculable feat, perhaps a scary one, if we may add. Probably a misleading statement, but a very obvious one if we look closely. We are so scared to go away and look on the other side, always playing it safe because we are unsure of what might happen next. We often forget that it's a perpetually bound situation; no one knows what happens next. No one knew that single bullet through the Austrian Archduke's neck would be the most immediate cause of the war.

To be completely blunt, it shames me to belong in this generation. There is so much potential yet we choose to hide behind our fears and eventually fall to the fiery pits of forced conformity. Our choices scream mediocrity, and it's our fault. We question ourselves and each other so much we forget to pay attention and listen to what we want to say. We let what others say matter that it propels us to hide. When did we decide that a slight exposure to risks is an impossible duty?

This is Robyn Davidson. She was twenty-seven when she went on a nine-month journey from Alice Springs to the Indian Ocean, a 1,700-mile trek across the Australian outback, along with four camels and a dog. National Geographic agreed to fund the expedition, in exchange for sending in a photographer to take pictures of the journey. 

It's extremely an understatement if we were to categorize her as fearless. She's so much more than that: she's spirited, ferocious, and independently rapacious for new designs that she will use to provide for herself. She's her own hero, and that's that. 

She was aware of the inevitable harm she will encounter while traveling, like dehydration and shortage of goods, but she went for the trip, anyway. What makes her so different from us was her appetite for the exploits the world around her will offer. Certainly the complete opposite of what our generation might choose to do. It's an unfortunate disposition, but I'm hoping for everyone's openness to the idea of adopting change.

What amazes me about this woman was her undying drive to embrace new ideas. Something once strange to her--like teaching herself the Pintjantjara, the local aboriginal dialect--would eventually turn to something so close to her it will begin to look as if she's had it within her all her life. Why can't we be more like her?

This movie, Tracks, tells the story about her trek. I found out out about her there, and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity of seeing it. It wasn't that cinematic, but I figured that she, in all her adventurous glory and beauty, is beyond the movie. Her story deserved to be adapted but caging her journey in that sense would negate the fall and the risks she bravely took. She suffered multiple hazards and romanticizing that kind of experience was an insult for her part. She even found the photos taken by National Geographic photographer, Rick Smolan, to be extremely offensive because it looked like it was his experience, not hers. She was furious at first, but eventually warmed up to the pictures. They were beautiful, but let's not forget the processes that had to be made in order for these photographs to reach our eyes. 

Her self-reliance admired me, and it's a pleasure to know that she built the Camel Lady identity all by herself, greatly insisting that she is her own companion. Putting herself there without anyone's permission and not letting the scorn of the others stop her was another thing, dragging herself up without anyone's help. And this was all due to the unforgiving acceptance of what might happen in the future. 

Why I'm relentlessly spitting out my adoration for this woman can be blamed to my previous plans of being a travel journalist for National Geographic. Before seeing the film, I actually had plans of being a National Geographic Magazine writer. It has been on my mind for so long now, but I only had the chance now of concluding that I really want it, alongside my other plans of writing film reviews for the New York Times. An ambitious feat, but I'm proud to say, finally, who knows? 

I was reluctant at first, to establish this within myself, but reading her story made me change my mind as a dreamer. What am I so afraid of? Why does it matter? They're dreams; they had to be fed. I later on realized that repressing myself is not healthy, unless I want to stay where I was: completely lost, and self-loathing. It took me an impossibly long time to get over myself and just go out there. I had a falling out last year, and I guess it (partially) helped in my self-deprecation as a person (and as a writer). It was hell, but it was worth it, in all its tragic forms. 

Seeing the film sends me the notion that this might be it. This might get me somewhere I don't know, and it's scary and exciting and downright risky. For the first time ever, I validated myself with my aspirations to become what I want to be, and its refreshing. Finally, something to look forward to. I'm not sure if I'll ever arrive at my desired destination, but who is, anyway? No one is sure, and that is a fact no one can alter. I've had enough people degrade me to something I'm not, and I guess this is where I begin to shut it off, and just live.

Robyn got to where she wanted to be, finishing the long walk, but the tracks she walked in and the dangers she encountered were the most remarkable of all. My life might take the same road as hers: tough and verging between dilemmas and insisting decisions. But that's what makes it important.

Sometimes empowering each other--and yourself, most importantly--can create something this beautiful and timeless. Embrace your inner weird. You're beautiful, and I think it's about time to shut off anyone who tells you otherwise. Your journey might not make it to the National Geographic Magazine (but then again, who knows?!) but what's more important is the way you managed it yourself, and how you climbed your way up. 

Our generation is deemed to be the worst by everyone, and it's true. But this might change, if only we were more courageous.

Do or Die: Part II

UPCAT two weeks ago. I was basically holding onto myself and telling myself that it isn't the end of the world, that I can do this and that, there are way too many chances for me to get in, hey stop doing that to yourself and blah blah blah BUT WHO AM I KIDDING. They said 83,000++ senior students took the UPCAT. And I wanted to go home and sleep because I can feel the pressure seeping through me and I JUST WANT TO ESCAPE. I wanted to cry and curse UP for the right-minus-wrong thing. But I can't do anything about it. "Screw it," I muttered to myself. I opened the car door and I almost fell on the slippery sidewalk. It was raining and I thought WOW IS THIS A BAD OMEN? My dad said the almost-accident took away the bad omen and that I'll do good.

And then I'm inside this room with white lights screaming that my terrible fate is nearing and that resistance is futile, I have to shade these oblongs. And so I did. It was worse than I thought but I managed to answer with pure reasoning. Trusting my instincts helped a lot so, thank you, instincts. I owe you. And goddamn, was Science hard?! My brain was jumping up and down and I was screaming inside. "What are vacuoles", "WHERE THE HELL CAN WE FIND THE MITHOCONDRIA", "do these phenotypes and genotypes really exist" "This is so stupid why do you have to know the speed of the car". 

And the rest I don't want to talk about. The five-hour exam is finally O-V-E-R over. I ate two barbecues to celebrate. This stall in front of Law Center sells good barbecue and I can see myself eating here. But then again, I still have to pass the UPCAT to eat barbecues. 

Anyway my dad and I explored the whole school for fun. One of the reasons why I want to study here is because of the number of trees surrounding the whole campus. It was amazing and so I took pictures. I felt like a tourist lost in a city. No, not a city, but a tourist lost in... her thoughts. (Wow so emo.)

The very famous Oblation. The moment I saw it, I told myself that I have to pass the UPCAT. There were goosebumps at the back of my head and I wanted to.... cry. I know, so melodramatic; so pathetic. This is my dream school. This will always be my dream school. I would have these intentional nods whenever I hear someone talk about UP. I would think about that glorious feeling. And just... okay. 

My birthday is on June 10th and I got all giddy when I saw this. Jack Barakat was born on June 18th, Pete Wentz on June 5th, my best friend, Sam, June 3rd. Magnificent things happen every month of June. I am blessed HEHEHEHEH.

can we all look at the traffic 

thank u america thank u so much

tourist photo #1 HEHEHEHE i felt so stupid when i took this photo oh my god but hey, my chucks look pretty, don't they? i love them they're my favorite

this place is so peaceful

tourist photo #2 hahahaha i'm sorry i just have to 

This is my favorite photo of all. I don't know why. I think it's the fact that you don't have to edit this photo...

COLLEGE OF ARTS & LETTERS. DID YOU KNOW THAT MY FIRST COURSE CHOICE IS ENGLISH STUDIES AND MY SECOND IS JOURNALISM? YOU DIDN'T? WELL NOW YOU DO. Okay so if the odds are in my favor, I'd be studying here and I would walk around here everyday and there are feels I can't explain. (English studies and Journalism are part of college of arts & letters right....??)

So yup. This is the prologue of my college life. 

til tonight do us part

I was starting to feel like my favorite band has betrayed me, for not making any announcements, for not mentioning their band's previous achievements and for not talking about their songs and the year 2006. I was losing hope. But then, six months ago, Fall Out Boy decided to come back and save rock and roll. I was in complete and utter shock because it was all of a sudden. Well I was kind of expecting it to happen, since a lot of people from the music industry are giving off hints on twitter and other social networking sites that Fall Out Boy are coming back and are planning to have a reunion. But there are still doubts like, "Hey, this is just a hoax." I wasn't too lax on the idea of them coming back, unless the band announced it themselves. 

On the night of February 3, 2013, I was on twitter and people are starting to panic: typing on caps lock, tLAKing lieK THiss!!, and the words "fall out boy" can be seen in every tweet. I started to join the commotion as well because my feelings... can't. I read somewhere that "Fall Out Boy are making a big announcement on Q87.7 tomorrow morning!"And that's it. I started screaming and jumping and crying AND EVERYTHING FELT SO RIGHT. Everything was in place, and it felt so good to be alive. The big announcement came and then came the new single. February 4, 2013. They are officially back and no one can stop them. I still remember this post I made from February. Four years worth of waiting, those nights spent on listening to Chicago Is So Two Years Ago and feeling nostalgic. I can definitely say that it was all so worth it. 

Fast-forward to August. This is it, I thought. I'm going to see them live for the first time and I still can't believe it. And so the show began and my ten-year old self is screaming with delight and it's 2007 all over again. I remember the first time I saw them, in a magazine, confused of their identities, and why this certain guy is wearing eyeliner. Thriller's beat brought it all back and I can feel the pulse of the crowd. We were all singing and it felt glorious. 

I don't want to bore you with a long post of how I spent my Thursday night with the anti-heroes, and the band who stand up for the weirdoes. But I can definitely say that if I were to be asked about the people I look up to, Fall Out Boy will be on top of the list. Their performance is not just something we have to rate or whatsoever, it's something we have to remember. You were with the crowd, your lungs are giving out because of singing, the pulsing of the lights, the glorious feeling you get--that's something you have to keep. Fall Out Boy made it all happen. From the long wait in line to the spiels and the screaming roar of agreement of the crowd. Fall Out Boy was, as Fiel mentioned it on her blog, so raw and magnetic. I can't even put to words how amazing they are and I'm running out of adjectives. And nouns. Whatever. 

Thank you, Fall Out Boy, for not letting us down and for making us feel contagious. 

The Bucket List

We saw Breakfast at Tiffany's and Pretty In Pink yesterday! It was great because my dad and I went to Nuvali for the Night Sky event. I was very happy because I got to experience this kind of thing. I used to dream about going to a drive-in movie. Any movie will do. Especially horror/gory movies hihihi. Anyway I was pretty much happy the whole time we were there. I never expected to be in a drive-in movie aww. It's actually in my bucket list which means a lot to me because I got to fulfill something unexpected like this. The weather was very nice and there were food booths. I swear I had so many feels the whole time. 

Plus the view looks great. I think you guys already know that I'm this sucker for sun rays and clouds and the way the sun glints through the leaves of a tree and all that. I feel so giddy.  And because two of my favorite movies of all time were included in the movie line-up. I've seen Breakfast at Tiffany's before but I definitely enjoyed seeing it again on the big screen. Also Pretty In Pink! God, I still remember the first time I saw it. And up until now, I am still rooting for Duckie no matter how cute and adorable Blane looks like. I am just saying. 

And yes, I almost wished for The Breakfast Club to be shown. Who wouldn't? 

 Look at the view!!! If you're a big fan of scenes like this I think you'll understand. I can't help but smile and feel blessed to see this hehehe. 

 Look at the clouds aaaahhhhh.

They were selling these, too! Cheap finds are the best. 

And then yay! Pretty In Pink has already started and the crowd was practically swooning over Blane and Andie's chemistry. I, too, was swooning. Over Duckie. I ship Duckie with Andie, I'm so sorry. 

That's how my Saturday night went. I had a lot of fun, really. Even though I didn't go to Sleeping With Sirens' and Pierce The Veil's show last night, I still think this is one of the best Saturdays I had. I would like to thank my dad for bringing me here. Finally, another thing scratched off on my Bucket List.  Hoping for another drive-in movie in the next future!