c. the time I was so scared of absolutely everything

Tethering yourself away from what you grew accustomed with could be the hardest and most impossible job to do, with the unwavering force of distraction holding us back like a deranged mother. It's an incalculable feat, perhaps a scary one, if we may add. Probably a misleading statement, but a very obvious one if we look closely. We are so scared to go away and look on the other side, always playing it safe because we are unsure of what might happen next. We often forget that it's a perpetually bound situation; no one knows what happens next. No one knew that single bullet through the Austrian Archduke's neck would be the most immediate cause of the war.

To be completely blunt, it shames me to belong in this generation. There is so much potential yet we choose to hide behind our fears and eventually fall to the fiery pits of forced conformity. Our choices scream mediocrity, and it's our fault. We question ourselves and each other so much we forget to pay attention and listen to what we want to say. We let what others say matter that it propels us to hide. When did we decide that a slight exposure to risks is an impossible duty?

This is Robyn Davidson. She was twenty-seven when she went on a nine-month journey from Alice Springs to the Indian Ocean, a 1,700-mile trek across the Australian outback, along with four camels and a dog. National Geographic agreed to fund the expedition, in exchange for sending in a photographer to take pictures of the journey. 

It's extremely an understatement if we were to categorize her as fearless. She's so much more than that: she's spirited, ferocious, and independently rapacious for new designs that she will use to provide for herself. She's her own hero, and that's that. 

She was aware of the inevitable harm she will encounter while traveling, like dehydration and shortage of goods, but she went for the trip, anyway. What makes her so different from us was her appetite for the exploits the world around her will offer. Certainly the complete opposite of what our generation might choose to do. It's an unfortunate disposition, but I'm hoping for everyone's openness to the idea of adopting change.

What amazes me about this woman was her undying drive to embrace new ideas. Something once strange to her--like teaching herself the Pintjantjara, the local aboriginal dialect--would eventually turn to something so close to her it will begin to look as if she's had it within her all her life. Why can't we be more like her?

This movie, Tracks, tells the story about her trek. I found out out about her there, and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity of seeing it. It wasn't that cinematic, but I figured that she, in all her adventurous glory and beauty, is beyond the movie. Her story deserved to be adapted but caging her journey in that sense would negate the fall and the risks she bravely took. She suffered multiple hazards and romanticizing that kind of experience was an insult for her part. She even found the photos taken by National Geographic photographer, Rick Smolan, to be extremely offensive because it looked like it was his experience, not hers. She was furious at first, but eventually warmed up to the pictures. They were beautiful, but let's not forget the processes that had to be made in order for these photographs to reach our eyes. 

Her self-reliance admired me, and it's a pleasure to know that she built the Camel Lady identity all by herself, greatly insisting that she is her own companion. Putting herself there without anyone's permission and not letting the scorn of the others stop her was another thing, dragging herself up without anyone's help. And this was all due to the unforgiving acceptance of what might happen in the future. 

Why I'm relentlessly spitting out my adoration for this woman can be blamed to my previous plans of being a travel journalist for National Geographic. Before seeing the film, I actually had plans of being a National Geographic Magazine writer. It has been on my mind for so long now, but I only had the chance now of concluding that I really want it, alongside my other plans of writing film reviews for the New York Times. An ambitious feat, but I'm proud to say, finally, who knows? 

I was reluctant at first, to establish this within myself, but reading her story made me change my mind as a dreamer. What am I so afraid of? Why does it matter? They're dreams; they had to be fed. I later on realized that repressing myself is not healthy, unless I want to stay where I was: completely lost, and self-loathing. It took me an impossibly long time to get over myself and just go out there. I had a falling out last year, and I guess it (partially) helped in my self-deprecation as a person (and as a writer). It was hell, but it was worth it, in all its tragic forms. 

Seeing the film sends me the notion that this might be it. This might get me somewhere I don't know, and it's scary and exciting and downright risky. For the first time ever, I validated myself with my aspirations to become what I want to be, and its refreshing. Finally, something to look forward to. I'm not sure if I'll ever arrive at my desired destination, but who is, anyway? No one is sure, and that is a fact no one can alter. I've had enough people degrade me to something I'm not, and I guess this is where I begin to shut it off, and just live.

Robyn got to where she wanted to be, finishing the long walk, but the tracks she walked in and the dangers she encountered were the most remarkable of all. My life might take the same road as hers: tough and verging between dilemmas and insisting decisions. But that's what makes it important.

Sometimes empowering each other--and yourself, most importantly--can create something this beautiful and timeless. Embrace your inner weird. You're beautiful, and I think it's about time to shut off anyone who tells you otherwise. Your journey might not make it to the National Geographic Magazine (but then again, who knows?!) but what's more important is the way you managed it yourself, and how you climbed your way up. 

Our generation is deemed to be the worst by everyone, and it's true. But this might change, if only we were more courageous.

Films Weekly - (Week 5)

Moulin Rouge (2001) dir. Baz Luhrman

Fine couture and exceptional stage play may not be the only eye-catching factors of this film. It may be deemed as the tragic story of the century--true, in many forms--but it does have a heart, red and blue and beating on its own purpose: to tug at our expectations and throw it along with the characters we grew up seeing on TV. It's brutally annihilating in the sense that it's all lovey-dovey and fairytale-like; the wild reds and blues is a ferocious juxtaposition of the story. It was fast-paced, almost too hard to keep up with, but we can only agree with how it should naturally seem like it, because the two doomed lovers were bound to be caged. The thrilling scenes were perfectly formulated, speaking to the olden Parisian film tradition. Love-donned, painful, and lip-parting. 

Obvious Child (2014) dir. Gillian Robespierre

This is the livid representation of female empowerment. Its raw, undulated yet sharp humor takes action in the character's lives. Faithfully following the feminist manifesto, it tries to be the bible of what it takes to be a damsel in distress, helped by former damsels in distress but most of the time, she's got herself all figured out. The film itself is a quiet revolution, soaking in its own noisy war cry. The monologue may be too surprising for some, for it portrays women the way it should be, and that's arguably the best thing about this. It may have some lapses on some scenes, but the story redeems all empty spaces that were left out, either consciously or unconsciously. 

Scarface (1983) dir. Brian de Palma

this may have been Brian de Palma's reply to Coppola's The Godfather, in all its greedy and tragic forms. The main player, played by the brooding man that is Al Pacino, smelled absolutely like the Mafia don, reminiscent of the former glory of the Ring. Although we are introduced with a seemingly identical hallmark that is Vito Corleone, we are constantly reminded that they are two different people with similar fateful lives. Godfather plays on the sentimental status as Scarface replies in a brutal, no-holds-barred vengeance. It doesn't for one second take part in sentimentality, a fact quite too heartbreaking to accept. The perversion of tragedy was too greedy, and there was no consideration for emotion at all. It was boldly admitted on the first scene, but it wasn't what we all expected. It's busy, self-identified, and satirical.

Gummo (1997) dir. Harmony Korine

The grime this film showed was unforgivable in all its senses, for it didn't do so much for me. Exhibited by loose-handed cameras, it shows the tragedies of people in a sleepy town. It tried so hard to evoke something, but it didn't. Its criminally honest storytelling is of no emotional value, and the actors bore no motivation to digress. It's a total waste of time, and regretfully unfortunate for it to come from Korine. Talk about the effortless drive to be important, and the wrong usage of aestheticism.

Rear Window (1954) dir. Alfred Hitchcock

For the movie to be branded as a sullen, and typical pastime would be too premature if you judged it within the first several minutes. It might seem like it, but it doesn't bow down to the audience's expectations. Especially because it's a sin for Hitchcock to drift away from his style. The shrewdness of the detective may be symbolized as the New York apartment dwellers' stubborn act of being observant to their neighbors' lives. Distance is the only thing that identifies the dichotomy between these people, and it's such a comical stunt, a surprising one from the thriller genius. It's an amusing play between routinely acts and eventful capers, and Hitchcock, once again, genuinely and willfully played it out. The careful transition between ease and irk was bearable enough for me to understand, yet still sent me to a complete stupor.

Sisters (2015) dir. Jason Moore

Comedies progressed backwards for us, and it's undeniably heartbreaking. This feature may be one of them but it does compensate for the fact that merriment comes alive still when you grow old. The film itself is not quite what I expected, coming from Poehler and Fey, but it does somehow tickle the high school mentality that never seems to go away, as it looks like an ode to the past. It was funny and raunchy, something I've always admired from Paula Pell. The actors were restless, thank god. 

Working Girl (1988) dir. Mike Nichols

The sudden belting of the song in the beginning sent me the conclusion that this would end up how I wanted it to, which was disappointing. But it still did something that indulges in the female intuition, and it's not so bad after all. The bleak colors and the sudden pink of this particular scene sends you the vibe that something is happening, and true enough, something did. Fulfillment of dreams for the protagonist was a bright possibility, and it didn't do the job of keeping the audience at the edge of their seats. The future was too possible it didn't intrigue me as much. But the script was smart and straight-to-the-point badass, which compensates for the inevitability of the plot I unfortunately experienced.

Films Weekly - (Week 3 & 4)

I want to be dead honest: school is getting in the way of my actual goals. One week of pure academic hell is enough for me to say that it would probably ruin my film streak. Anyway, it doesn't really affect that much. It's tiring, that's all. But dealing with school and my dreams is kinda hard, especially when I've just recently (early 2014) discovered my penchant for films and Wes Anderson. (More on that, later [hopefully].)

I'm trying my best to not talk about myself around here as much as I did before, so here are some insights I so carefully produced for these gems: (quite hurried, because I'm using the library internet, and people are starting to take notice of the clattering keys in the keyboard and I. Find. It. Unsettling.)

Eyes Wide Shut (1999) dir. Stanley Kubrick

Not really what I was expecting from Kubrick, but definitely left a mark in me and changed the way I viewed film. It appealed to me so much that I would much rather spend my life in celibacy. The harrowing flights this movie took set me at an alarmed state, with the story taking turns at such unexpected times. Essentially constructive and evocative, the film shows the audience their roles as mere viewers of the film, and that is the participation they are bound to execute themselves, either espoused or celibate.

Gravity (2013) dir. Alfonso Cuarón

As an avid enthusiast of space and time, it begets me to not appreciate the entirety of this film. The first act is begging for a little amount of ferocity, as this was the starting point of the characters' impending fate, but the character development truly speaks for itself. It was slow but cultivated, immaculately paying homage to the lethargic vibe space offers. The script, quite monotonous in the beginning, does its own job at making a stand for itself, as the actors unconsciously arouse the words to activity and put them at work.

Kill bill Vol. I (2003) and Kill Bill Vol. II (2004) dir. Quentin Tarantino

The obsessions we all share--bloodshed, revenge, and wordplay--are all present here. The epic, a two-part revenge movie, pays its own debt: reflecting on the vengeance that set The Bride ablaze. The director may be known for his own genius, but the characters built their own empires as the newly polished product of Tarantino's scape of imagination. Although the English subtitles may come off as an air of awkwardness whenever the characters speak in Japanese, it must be known that this must be the director's way of exercising his style, and the audience will never know, for they have created a mental image of what a Tarantino film looks like. This may be not be as great as his past and future productions, but Tarantino, in this film, relentlessly made a cordial invite in his off-putting world.

L'Avventura (1960) dir. Michelangelo Antonioni

This doesn't struck me half as much as the films I've seen from this era. But this would be an assumption too premature for me to formulate because this is the first Antonioni feature I've seen. Although possessing a well curated script, with the usually smart banter between the characters, some scenes are unfocused. The casual rendezvous between the main protagonists were gently portrayed, but lacking in the chemistry and alert mindfulness; it was bland, but sometimes engaging, with the help of the wordplay that pranced between wit and casual cruelty.

Lust, Caution (2007) dir. Ang Lee

Unexpectedly  engaging, Ang Lee once again proved himself to be the master of culture and cinematic thrill. The movie shined with a small sizzle at the beginning, and ended with still sparkling remnants of the hallmarks it established as it climaxed its way to the conclusion. The ill-fated characters, all doomed to live in leisure but eventually fall miserably to the hands of the enemy, authenticated their own integrity as the plot thickened its way to a perfect texture. The rigorous portrayal of eroticism was harsh, yet blatant in all its forms. The juxtaposition that took place within these scenes were slightly unsettling, as it really gets to you and the way you were expecting to see it as an expectant activist. 

Mean Streets (1973) dir. Martin Scorsese

Italian drollery is one of Scorsese's trademark as a filmmaker, and this film would serve as the pioneer of the wisecracked humor firmly built upon his films. This must be the most challenging De Niro film I have seen, as he plays the character of a lost, confused man. He is gracefully aged, judging from his looks, but ideal- and culture-wise, he isn't. He's downright impulsive and plays on the loser tag, but is still a deadpan I-am-a-hero hero throughout the whole movie. He didn't prove anything by the end, but it's impressive to know that he admittedly confessed his own faults as a modern madman. Scorsese, a small man of style and equitable talent, showed his trues form as a filmmaker in this feature, as it exhibits the misfortunes the plot befell, the complexities it took the characters to finally realize they are at violent seas.

Films Weekly (Week 2) NOW WITH SHORT REVIEWS!!!! YAY!!!

#WalangForever (2015) dir. Dan Villegas

First of all: let's discontinue the use of this term. There are far more advantageous ways to articulate our cynicism towards the idea of love and its perpetuity. But in the midst of all this linguistic drama, it can't be denied how this film bows to traditional Filipino film making: it's lucrative, judging from the amount of audience owing it their own positive judgment, and, no matter how annoyingly undeniable, that's the way the Filipino mind works. A romcom movie wouldn't hurt the heart (and mind) so bad, despite the possible fragmentation that might occur as we delve in deeper between the characters' mind. 

To better word it, this movie only gave us temporary strength when it comes to seeing what the heart truly wants (or needs). I love the movie, despite having a slight resemblance with The Fault in Our Stars' plot. Maybe my first statement about love and its uncertainty was propelled by the mishaps I have encountered. Maybe not.

Maybe we can talk about this? Contact me. Charot.

 

Barry Lyndon (1975) dir. Stanley Kubrick

Stanley Kubrick's most critically acclaimed work may not be one for the books for me, but it did pull something at me: Barry Lyndon's incapacity to stay at ease. He is an impulsive man with dreams of being at the top of his game. Much like the generation I fall under. The character's impermanence stays as the main identity of the film, and we all know Kubrick evokes every detail off the characters and the scenes they are acting. Being a book adaptation, Kubrick is given the novel as a guide, and he greatly put the words into fine photoplay. I haven't read the book (nor will I ever give it a try, apologetically), but it does look like a detailed visual orientation of the life of Barry Lyndon. 

Kubrick definitely does not consider film making as a task. It's a commitment for him, and this film would greatly prove it. 

 Beetlejuice (1986) dir. Tim Burton 

I've seen this movie before, and seeing it again as an eighteen-year-old girl made me miss how much I got scared over everything as a child. Winona Ryder once again wooed me into the world she lived in when she was just a cutesie adolescent. Flawless as ever, her act as a confused, scared, gothic child of two completely antithetical parents sparked something in me, now a full-grown (sadly) girl: you can be everything you want and still do great.

Also Alec Baldwin was such an eye candy.

Being John Malkovich (1999) dir. Spike Jonze

I've always hated the idea of someone having the knowledge of what I truly feel. They start acting like you owe your devotion to them, and worse, they may never see you as the same person they knew before, which is unsettling because it would never have been this way if only they were more cautious of their own ego and pride. Spike Jonze put me in great discomfort when I first saw this film. He, once again, made me want to destroy artificial intelligences. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of having someone live and inside you, and have total control of your emotions. I've been tormented before by some of my mean and do-nothing classmates from elementary, and I guess this film is the worst representation of bullying: making someone erase their own identity and putting them to absolute hell. 

An Education (2009) dir. Lone Scherfig

Lesson: do not, and I mean do not, put your whole life behind your back for a stupid boy or girl. Jenny Mellor (auspiciously played by Carey Mulligan) was downright dumb when she let herself in too deep. It was love, she saw it. I saw it, but the excruciating pain of putting your future at the edge of a bridge will never be worth it, especially if you were told of its consequences when everything is too late.

The thing I absolutely loved about this film is the director's brave accusation of girls being dumber than ever for someone who showed her gold (only to find out that it has the lasting shine of a plastic container), yet still finding unbelievable ways to redeem themselves and have the strong ability of conquering the best and worst of both worlds: being in love with someone and loving themself so much they start being great. 

So here's this film for all the daft, vapid, and unreasonable commitments I have yet to put myself into, all for the promise of love... and the idea of forever. Charot lang ulit. 

Blue Velvet (1986) dir. David Lynch

I never got the essence of the whole film. I liked it some, but not really one of the films I'll see for a second time. It was great, in all of its anonymous glory and the characters' mysterious roles in their town. But I guess it didn't have that lasting effect I was looking forward to seeing in this film. 

Dream Girls (2006) dir. Bill Condon

I can't stress enough how much I adore girl groups. They're so powerful, with their songs tugging you hard enough to make it feel like you're being invited at a revolution that fights for the most crucial things on earth, like discrimination. It's an empowering movie, with the true portrayal of ostracism between girls and how it ruins the camaraderie they cultivated as sisters. 

The singers were as talented as ever, and you can't the deny the power they evoke while playing the characters of desperate singers. Of course, Beyoncé shined in this movie, but you really can't deny that all of them conjured the same amount of shimmer and power. Bill Condon really put up a show that put all the actors at the spotlight. DEFINITELY ONE OF MY NEW FAVORITE MOVIES.

Body Double (1984) dir. Brian de Palma

This movie creeped the hell out of me!!! I didn't know about the real Always Mind Your Belongings and Lock Your Doors Before Going To Sleep stages of living (and surviving). It was a trip over to Mind Fuck and Brian de Palma's own set of aesthetic style was a plus one. The music used for the "telescope scene" in the protagonist's borrowed home was both enchanting and awfully disturbing. It's an eerie kind of beautiful, because, hey, who would want someone staring at you over their windows as you do your business in your room? This is a new kind of abduction, with your privacy being taken from you without your consent. 

But the cinematography pays off, in all its lightly colored magic, juxtaposing the movie's whole representation of murder and assault--the Real World.

Chinatown (1974) dir. Roman Polanski

If you've ever wondered how Jack Nicholson acquired his penchant for bluffing in films, maybe this film might help you as a guide. He is unapologetic, and does not play for mild-minded audiences. You never really know if he's the character you should root for, or if yo should antagonize him for the rest of your life because his acting is so well-grounded. Polanski remains to be one of the greatest filmmakers of this century, we can't deny that, and his work for this film does not beg to differ. The man has cultivated such an identity that you can't deny the unwavering power he has over his characters and the dark story behind their woes. He really is a great storyteller.

Eat, Drink, Man, Woman (1994) dir. Ang Lee

I've come to realize that Ang Lee's eastern projects are, by far, more exceptional than that of his western projects. It was very well-written, and never did it bother to be deep and have ambiguity that are sometimes (badly) represented by directors. I don't know, maybe it's my undying affinity for Asian films. the unexpected turn of  events sent me reeling (for answers) from both hilarity and sadness. Ang Lee clearly delved into the characters' inner beliefs and, as genius as he can get, performed them purely on camera, with the actors paying great deal to the characters' own woes. 

And this is just another reminder that food is LOVE.

Eraserhead (1977) dir. David Lynch

This movie was very surrealist as it can get. David Lynch didn't fall into pastiche with this movie and you can definitely see his effortless work on propagating a normal outlook on the part of the audience. It's as if watching the normal life you lived get disturbed by something so unusual. The setting was as terrifying as it is very typical for the characters, another thing abnormally beautiful about the whole feature. 

I never stopped thinking about living in a world like this; it literally sent me shivers. I love how I got scared of a horror movie, for the first time in forever. 

Films Weekly (Week 1)

I think it's about time I set my priorities right. I've been dreaming of having something I could use to track the films I've seen for the year, other than the film journal I've just curated late last year. It's still on the works; I want it to be perfect. But this will do, for now. I could only hope for a ~filmic~ year this 2016!!!

The Skeleton Twins (2014) dir. Craig Johnson

Welcome To Me (2015) dir. Shira Piven

American Graffiti (1973) dir. George Lucas

Apocalypse Now (1979) dir. Francis Ford Coppola

Back To The Future Part II (1989) dir. Robert Zemeckis

A Very Murray Christmas (2015) dir. Sofia Coppola

Catch Me If You Can (2002) dir. Steven Spielberg 

The Aviator (2004) dir. Martin Scorsese 

Sid And Nancy (1986) dir. Alex Cox

The Conversation (1974) dir. Francis Ford Coppola