UNEXPECTED

I hung out with my best friend last Saturday! I was in bliss because I had no classes. I actually planned to reserve the whole day for reading but then our plans to go out and  ~do something~ pushed through. We kinda did  wanna bail because we were too lazy to move and we wanted to sleep for the whole day. But the chance was laughing in front of our faces; we couldn't let it go! We miss each other so much. So we woke up very early and yay, history.

We met up at SM BF. And seeing her for the first time in almost two months made me laugh, I don't know why. I missed her. She's still so small, nothing changed. Still looks like a pre-schooler HEHEHE. We had lunch at Burger King and we did a lot of catching up. Also there was this girl next to us who just kept on staring at us whenever we make snide remarks about something. She'd turn her head in our way whenever I say/Sam says something. We later on concluded that the girl is not happy and that she's jealous because we are happy and beautiful, instead of judging her. That's how you dodge the hate. Kidding. 

While we were on the way to somewhere, an old woman grabbed our attention. She was crying for help. She said she's not asking for anything from us, that she's selling imported coffee--from Singapore. She was selling it for fifty pesos per packet. She has cancer and she hasn't eaten anything for a day. My heart sank when she started crying. We gave her money and told her that it's okay, she should keep her coffee for her to sell more of it. But she insisted and she started crying even harder and God, I wanted to stay there with her; but we were in a hurry. 

I wonder where her family is. It really disappoints me when they leave their relatives like that! And I really hate seeing things like this because I would literally think about it the whole day. I'd space out every ten minutes and think about what I saw several hours ago. Still thinking about her as of the moment. This will stay with me for the whole month. Or so. God, I hope help has reached her already. I wish I took a picture of her for everyone to see. Maybe someone could've helped her if I took a photo. I'm so stupid. 

Anyway, after sam has fulfilled her duty, we headed straight to Greenbelt to meet her mother. I also missed her mom. 

Kunwari stolen, pero we actually planned on doing that, HAHA. You can see her semi-smile from the side, lol. Also, she fixed her hair for this, please don't judge. Minsan lang kami gumawa ng ganito. 

OBLIGATORY ~FROM WHERE I STAND~ PHOTO!!! I really lik Sam's shoes, especially her blue socks that don't seem to go with her shoes... also the pebbles looked lovely. 

After much wandering around Greenbelt and taking pictures of everything, we finally met up with her mom and went straight to the cinemas to watch If I Stay. I never really finished the book; I actually thought Mia would not stay because I thought the second book, Where She Went, was about Mia going someplace else (a.k.a. HEAVEN, or some alternate universe for dead people... I don't know). 

The movie was very...yeah. I got very emotional at some parts, especially that part wherein Mia's grandpa was reassuring her that it's okay if she wants to go. HIS VOICE CRACKED AS HE REACHED FOR MIA'S HAND. Megatears. I literally had goosebumps during that scene. I just wish Mia had woken up instead because of her grandfather. I love Adam's character. His character is every girl's dream, to be honest. Jamie Blackley played the part unbelievably well. But I really loved that bond Mia had with her grandfather. Sigh, why do we need to romanticize everything. [AGGRESSIVELY STOPS SELF FROM TALKING ABOUT HOW PEOPLE LABEL US GIRLS AS SEXUAL BEINGS WHO ONLY ASPIRE FOR MARRIAGE AND ROMANCE!!!] 

All in all, the movie was...so relatable. Also, yeah, fight me if you think it's uncool of me for not finishing the book! Let's cheers for potential bigotry, hmm. 

Afterward, we went to Bershka and pretended we have money for all the lovely things we found. Especially that black leather jacket. It's still there! It's been three months since I last saw it and I'm glad it's still there. Even though I have no plans of buying it anyway. It's seven grand, what the hell. I guess it's too expensive for their liking. 

Sam's mom left earlier than expected because she has to pick up her little brother, Gio, at Waltermart. Kinda sad because I was expecting us three girls to have dinner. AWW. We had Yellow Cab instead. Sam and I had one Charlie Chan because we weren't that hungry anyway. I MISSED EATING THAT. I LOVE CHARLIE CHAN SO MUCH. 

We went to Cotton On after this. I tried on some cute clothes, and I want them all. So to make up for all the clothes I didn't buy that night, I bought these cute fox socks from Forever 21. Sam and I have matching pairs hehe. HOW BFF-y OF US. 

I really missed this girl. I'm still not used to the fact that I don't see her face everyday, that I don't have lunch with her everyday at the bench with our friends laughing. After next week, we will be on an endless ride of  when-do-I-see-you-again's again. (It's like I'm her boyfriend, wtf). I miss my friends so much, I wish I was with them 24/7. 

Also hello Sam, this post is for you. Please feel better because you are very beautiful (LUH HAHAHA) and yeah that's life. Just look at my face whenever you feel sad and emo. See you again on Saturday. Let's slay!!!! 

TATLONG ORAS NA AKONG NAGPAPA-CUTE SA'YO

There are hundreds of great bands hailing from every corner of Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao. Some are still very active, some are hiding under the dark shadows of the limelight and some chose a different path. I could talk about these bands for a day (especially Up Dharma Down, eep) but will still end up talking about this one band. 

It was a big surprise when this came out two weeks (or so) ago since it has been more than a decade since they published new songs. It's like saying hi to a new friend who was away for a long time. I actually lost hope upon knowing that a lot of people got their copies on the same day it was released; and the fact that only a few copies are available per store. But god behold, my dad got his hands on this one. How he found a copy, I don't know. Thank you, Father Bernas <3

It's a big deal for me and my dad because we are such big fans of this band. Especially my dad, who has a special place in his heart for them. He'd tell me stories about his college life and the Eraserheads was probably a big part of that certain stage in his life. Also, he never failed to orient me to the bands he used to fangirl over. He even copied Kurt Cobain's clothing style back then. So I guess my punk side came from my dad? I am so cool. Lol. 

 Anyhoo, this is the CD with their two new songs. To be honest, I was expecting more but I loved it nevertheless. It still sounds like it came from Cutterpillow. And they are so faithful to their musical style! It changed a bit, yes, but it's a change where you'd still hear the 90's and the Magasin days. I only spent three years in the 90's but I can feel how the loyal Eraserheads fans--who've been there since the beginning--felt. Yes, especially my dad.

 I used to see a lot of their pictures from their London trip earlier this year and I thought it was only because they have a show there and because duh, it's London, that's a very important place!!! ...or so I thought those were the only reasons when I saw Ely's daughter, Una, post a picture of the boys taking a walk along the Abbey Road, á la The Beatles! And there are photographers everywhere so yeah, something was up. I actually thought they'd do a reunion concert here in Manila after that (still hoping!!!) but they introduced this feature instead. Still genius, though. 

 Ligaya is one of my personal favorites! I'm really glad they chose this as the pillar for their comeback. and I believe Pare Ko is the lovechild of Ligaya and Kailan, haha. don't ask, just listen. I need you to agree with me after listening!

 The are indeed millennial; their music traveling from generation to generation. I'm glad I'm part of  that generation who was influenced by the previous generation by their music and musings. 

CINEMALAYA X & BEING ALONE

This was my first time to attend Cinemalaya. I've had external knowledge about this festival since I was 13 years old (or so) but I never really had the time to go to CCP since I was too busy with school and I was too young to go, lol. Anyway, I rode the bus to Vito Cruz and rode the orange jeep to CCP. It felt liberating, really, walking around Manila all on your own--especially because I was alone and it only meant one thing: yay for doing the all the things you want without the pressure of thinking about what your companions what to do! Don't get me wrong, I love being around with people but I can't totally deny the fact that being alone pleasures my whole being and it feels peaceful. I just really love being alone.

The whole place was booming with film enthusiasts. I'd like to laud these people for not letting themselves drown in the mainstream industry, whose goal is to earn the peso sign instead of the breath-of-life sight of cinematography, plot, and art. Film is not dead! 

So since I was alone, I decided to watch a movie. I saw Buwaya and although it had pretty good cinematography, something was missing... for me. It's about a girl attacked  by a giant crocodile in the Agusan Marsh. Basically, the movie was trying to tell the audience that there are monsters living around us (figuratively, okay. Please don't be dumb). So yeah, beware of people trying to feed you with their lies when in reality, they're the ones who are devouring you... heh

I'M SO UPSET because I wasn't able to get tickets for 1st Ko si 3rd!!! God, this movie is so intriguing. I was originally planning on watching this but it sold out pretty fast. I'm really looking forward to seeing this very soon , though. I CAN'T MISS THIS. 

(A lot of people looked at me in disbelief as I take this photo. You cans sense the desperation on this one)

And then I entered this very cold room. It had three interactive kiosks wherein you could watch past Cinemalaya entries on a big screen with your headphones on. I never got to try it, though. I blame those soft, fluffy seats I sat my ass on. Also the smell of pesto from the other room. 

The entries. 

These three were my favorites, by far! I've seen them all and they have a special place in my heart, especially Ang Nawawala. I swear to God, you should see it. Also Bwakaw and Ang Babae sa Septic Tank. 

My block mates finally joined me and YAS SHOWTIME! We saw Dagitab. A few weeks  before, I thought it meant Kuryente. (Well, according to Bob Ong). But it was Sparks, after all. "The Sparks", to be exact.

It was such a quiet, spur-of-the-moment movie. I don't even know how was it "quiet" but for me, it had this sense of honesty within tranquility. They say you can find solitude in muted colors. This movie was very loud when it comes to cinematography but the plot was very straight-to-the-point...quiet. It had strong poetic language and the actors were phenomenal. I loved how Eula Valdez portrayed the character of a wife who has a lot going on in her mind...and her life. She's not really the normal do-the-chores housewife; for God's sake, she gets drunk on a regular (if not occasional) basis--and that's what sparked my attention. 

You really need to see this film; it's a breath-of-life movie, a break from all these senseless features we see on our local cinemas. Judging from the movie poster, you can really feel the peace on this one. This movie can really make you think about your choices. Heh. 

Here, have a photo of Pasay at 4pm. 

I'M WHAT TIME AND CONSEQUENCE HAVE MADE ME

I've been surrounding myself with a lot of positive things lately. I don't really like blogging about my real feelings because it's either they're too personal or I'm too scared to let other people know because I know they'd judge me hehe. Anyhoo, I reconnected myself again in the art world! I'm so glad I did this. I felt like a noob for the past three months and it's depressing. I lived a hobo life because I was too sad and heartbroken to even function and use my brain to do productive things. It went on for about a month or two; it kinda felt like a routine for me. 

So then I started to get busy. I read a lot of art blogs, started watching art tutorials on youtube and wrote a lot of things for myself. This is where I thought about getting sober from all that sadness I gave myself in. Three months is short, yes, but it felt like three summers for me. Three summers of waiting over something that's never really going to happen. It's as if the universe is playing a big joke on me. But then I turned it all around started getting my shit together. It's like a do or die mission for me: I stay this way and die or get over myself and start living. I chose the latter, of course. 

I started writing again. I figured that keeping track of your life helps hehehe. 

I tried painting a face but then I failed miserably. I need more practice, meh. 

My attempt at making my journal look prettier, lol. Also my desperate attempt at covering up something real personal. 

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WATERCOLOR PAPER! I realized that using watercolor paper is sooo much better than using normal paper because it actually holds up water. 

My best friends. I use the point-2 most of the time because it's small and helps me do the details better. Plus they're pink; I love them. 

I've been dwelling over this quote from Roald Dahl for the past few weeks now. This is my first piece using watercolor paper. I think this phrase has ~deeper meaning~ for me, lol. 

I would like to give myself a big pat in the back for these flowers. Made me love myself even more, HAHA. 

THIS PAINTING IS SPECIAL TO ME BECAUSE IT CLEARLY REPRESENTS HOW I REALLY FEEL. ONLY I WILL GET THIS. Or maybe you'd get this if you are smart enough. haha

I started to reading Bible passages lately and I don't know, it made me feel ~stronger~ and more capable of handling myself better than I did before. So, thank you, Jesus. You're the bomb. 

UGH. Look at that waste. It looks pretty but then I screwed it all up because I'm so DUMB. I tried redoing it but then...IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE. The first one still looks better for me. But it's so dirty already I want to cry. 

So this is what I have been up to lately. It's so much better than moping around and feeling sorry for myself and getting sad. Of course the sadness is still there, but I'm learning how to handle it. I'm slowly moving, but at least I have made some progress. Looking back at what happened three months ago, I learned that I shouldn't regret it. Of course I'm not the only one who's affected here. (Or maybe I really am the only one affected in this situation). This summer evoked a lot of emotions from me. I'm still waiting, okay. 

I start college tomorrow. This is a big change for me. I'm scared, but I think I can handle myself well. 

LATELY (SPOILERS ON THIS, PLS BEWARE)

Hello, I am here to talk to you about how Game of Thrones is ruining my life. The fourth series just wrapped a few weeks ago and I have been on a roller coaster of emotions since then. We've witnessed some of the most shocking deaths this season (one of them a really glorifying one hehe), but nothing's new. (Although I can still hear some of you thinking out loud about the Rains of Castamere episode because jesus christ, nothing beats the Red Wedding and believe it or not, just the thought of it gives me goosebumps, GOD). 

Anyway, I've grown so fond of this certain character since the second series that I ended up thinking about her everyday. There were days I'd sit and think about her and Jon together and I'd be so happy. Fictional character have been such a big part of my life since the dawn of Harry Potter but this one really got me. I loved her character so much--a dynamic, strong, and independent character. Never thought I'd love someone as much as I love Dany, really. And yes, I rooted so hard for her and Jon. I shipped them so damn well. 

She always knew Jon never really lost his ties to the Night's Watch even after that tryst in the cave. But she still trusted him and he trusted her. She loved him so much, she stopped caring about where his true self belongs. She loved him, goddammit. And he loved her. But then of course this is television show. Jon left her and she stuck three arrows at him (one of my favorite Ygritte moments, yes. How I wish I could do that). And then the unthinkable happens, because jesus, this is GoT we're talking about. Your favorite characters don't really survive. 

She dies. I swear the moment I saw the arrow struck her through the heart I paused the whole thing and cried, lol. I don't like talking about this because it still hurts but it really brought me to tears. I had real emotions running through my whole system HAHA. 

I guess you could say I also shipped them in real life. And I feel like I'd get a lot of disapprovals from other fans but I don't really ship Jon and Daenerys? The thought of them ruling Westeros together doesn't really click for me. WOW I FEEL SO ALONE ON THIS ONE. I always envisioned Dany ruling Westeros all by herself without a man by her side (or maybe marrying isn't really a bad idea, just not with Jon lol). ALSO KIT AND EMILIA..... I just don't. Call me daft and stupid, okay. 

There were rumors that Kit and Rose dated in real life (there were even photos AHA) but Kit won't even confirm it and okay, I understand. So let's just take a look at this! Why can't we just see them as good best friends? They are so cute look at them. I learned that you don't really have to ship people together in order for you to not get hurt over their death in this television show they participated in. lol. 

I could imagine them going to Glastonbury/Coachella together and they'd dance around just like real good friends. So people, let's all calm down. (I think this a note for myself because deep inside I still ship them so hard on or off screen). (I'm doing this to not get sad over Ygritte). (MY LIFE IS A JOKE). (I'M STILL SO SAD). 

SO ANYWAY!!! I've just started watching Doctor Who! I've been meaning to watch this since, like, 2011. But I wasn't too keen on doing so; I was afraid I might get bored and end up sweeping it under the rug. But lo and behold, I was wrong! It's such an interesting show. The fandom wasn't wrong. I learned a lot about time traveling and astrophysics, thanks to this show. I'm now on the second season AND THE TENTH DOCTOR JUST ARRIVED AHEHEHE. I always knew David Tennant was the tenth doctor but watching the him emerge on the last episode of the first series gave me a lot of feelings!!!!!!!!! I love this show so much. 

I feel so smart whenever I watch this show, I don't know why. It's like ever information about the extinction of the Time Lords and the power of the daleks just pops out of nowhere. And to think that I'm only on the second season. I've got so much to learn and to look forward too. I've got a lot of feelings I have yet to feel, hehe. OH AND CAPTAIN JACK HARKNESS. Such charisma. 

Now I'm obsessed with the idea of buying the TARDIS figure and the sonic screwdriver. 

Yes of course this never gets out of mind. I love how this is set in present time but you can still feel the 18th-19th century vibe due to Benedict Cumberbatch's...lovely face. I'm so in love. I wish they had more episodes in a series. I don't know why it took me so long to watch these shows. I've been seeing a lot of them on tumblr since like, 2010 but I never really tried them. Sorry, self. (I think it's because I was too busy with my Harry Potter blog back then HAHAHA). 

YES FOR WOMEN!!! I absolutely love this show not only because it's funny and so real, but also because it's on the side of teaching people how not to degrade women as the inferior. I think this is a fresh start for Hollywood. It's funny, promotes feminism and is really just about how women really feel. I love this show. This deserves an Emmy because, YAY WOMEN! YAY FOR FEMINISM WITHOUT MISANDRY!!!

I still have a lot of shows to watch like Misfits and Breaking Bad but school's starting next week (COLLEGE, HOLY SHIT). I don't want to think about it yet, even though it's like two days away. This has been my life for the past few weeks: crying about Ygritte, and worshipping these shows. 

I don't want to start college yet.