ewan

consumerism on galentine's day

Chelsey and i decided to roam around the school for Galentine's day, and spend money on food. Earlier that day we hung out at Amo Yamie and it was FUN. We watched SNL skits from my phone while we drank overpriced mocha shakes. Then we went to library for 3 hours and did our thing. It was such a relaxing day, but still kind of sad because Julia wasn't around. We were supposed to go to Makati and spend Galentine's there; we even had our own master plan for the day! But nevertheless, we still had loads of fun while exchanging intellectual jokes with each other. 

I really can't wait to go to Makati with them and act like rich aunts from Europe, while simultaneously following a strict budget. 

Today is Valentine's Day and I'm going to be home alone all day, because my dad asked me to receive the couch set that's set to be delivered today. VERY UPSETTING.  

replaced by rust

I used to be so full of plans and ideas. Creating art, watching films, and reading books used to be the touchstone of my free time. Now all I ever do is wallow in my bed and listen to Foster the People's Ruby on repeat, with a small dash of Regina Spektor's Field Below. It's agonizing, but it somehow feeds my soul and its unwavering desire to be understood. I like how these songs make me feel like they belong to me, and only me. It's selfish, but I don't want anyone I know to make these songs their favorites. I don't know, I can't explain it either. I guess I want to own something beyond what I share with these people. It's not that I hate them or anything; I share a lot of insights with them--music, films, books. 

But for now, I think I deserve a little space and privacy. I think the universe would be lovelier if it gives me a little more time to own something. 

Anyway, since I'm not really here to talk about owning a song and forcing it upon everyone's asses, here are some pictures that would explain (and give justice to, hopefully) my woes. The past four weeks have not been lovely. Last night has been very momentous for me and my friends, and I guess you could say that it changed the way we view things, and school. 

 It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. Right? And this bag was just dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the 

world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.

This handkerchief has been sitting in that corner for almost a week now, and the urge to pick it up and put it back in my cabinet is very strong. But I never got the drive to do so, I don't know why. I think I've spent a lot of time staring at this red, square material that's taking up little space. Epiphanies have been formulated while staring at this thing, like how I wanted to land a job in a film organization or a publishing company. Memories have been recalled while staring at this thing, like how I wanted to feel things twice. 

Some unfinished business. I wish school didn't get in the way of how much I want to finish them all in one week. We're on the fourth day of our week-long vacation and it feels like I haven't done much. I thought this week would recharge me and slowly bring back the driven, full-of-plans girl I used to know. (My 2011-early 2015 self.) I only have one day and I guess trying hard to actually do something that would nurture me would be futile because I have school the next day (which is stupid because it's a Saturday; why can't they just suspend classes and give us a Fucking Break. Give ME a Fucking Break.)

I have a lot. Underneath this facade of snarky (less snarky now, because I decided long ago that being a nice, break-it-to-them-gently person is, well, nicer), frizzy-haired, broke-as-hell, noodle-slurping of a girl is a person who has a million emotions. My journal isn't enough proof that I am a person inside an endless whirlwind of emotions, both unwanted and desired. It's just a quarter of it. 

And all I'm ever dreaming of is to have someone by my side who would gladly catch every single thought I'd spill, because they know they're heavy and I need help. 

But for now having a heavy, hardbound notebook is enough.

 Where Love Went Wrong - Augustana 

Kicks - FKA Twigs

Ask Me Anything - The Strokes

Reminder - Mumford & Sons

Sparks - Coldplay

Avril 14th - Aphex Twin

Melody Maker - The Kooks

I Know It's Over - The Smiths

Sense - Tom Odell

Masaya - France Feranil

Like We Did (When We Were Lost) - The Maine

God, even my closet is a mess you wouldn't dare to fix because you're scared and you have so much better things to do. 

I LOVE EATING ALONE AND RE-WATCHING PARKS N REC AND FILMS. One time I was at SM San Lazaro and I had dinner at the food court all by myself. There were a lot of people. And all I could do was look at them and create these stories about them. Eating alone in a crowded place makes me think a lot about the future and where would I go from here. 

So I made a poorly-collated collage, documenting my recent aloneness. 

KEEP ROMANCE ALIVE

It's 2014 and I want to tell you something about my first three days (and the week before January). First, I finished my first Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami and how excited I am to read the rest of his work like What I Talk About When I Talk About Running and Kafka on the Shore. I'm also saving up some reading space for Chuck Palahniuk but I don't think it'll happen soon because his books are expensive even though we're talking about recently received Christmas Money here. I still want to save up more and my best friend and I are planning something rad for us to earn more HEHEHE. Second, I've been enjoying these headphones  A LOT. They're from my very lovely aunt. It's got great sound and I just ADORE it. 

Anyway, my dad recently gave me his 4S and it's great to have one. Even I can't believe I own one, hahaha? In fact one of my few hobbies around smart phones is changing the home and lock screen every now and then.

This one has been my lock screen for about 2 days now. Be proud for I haven't changed it in 48 hours. I might change it again... tomorrow? Kidding. Or not. And can I just say that it's so easy to move around it, if you know what I mean. And owning one comes the indescribable feeling of taking taking beautiful photos with it. It's like wow, cool scenery and out of nowhere I'll be like HOLD ON WAIT I GOTTA TAKE A PICTURE OF IT. And so my adulation of the photos I took starts here...

This one's taken when we jogged around C5 Extension. I think I did more picture-taking than running and burning fats. But hey, I ran 4.75 kilometers that day, NO JOKE. (If you're asking what happened to the remaining .25K, please understand that I could only take so much running and walking and gasping for air.)

my ugly foot

We spent our New Year in Pasig hence, the rooftop photos. These were taken in the morning of January 1. The skies were pretty smoggy due to the fireworks that set off the night before. There were fireworks everywhere like LITERALLY 360 degree-coverage. It was so beautiful. 

If it weren't for the smog I think you could've seen the buildings surrounding the place. I think it's Ortigas at the lower-right side? 

It's plastic hehehe 

This was taken in front of our house!!! Cool 

So that's how 2014's doing for me. 

What was I talking about?

(See last blog post for reference). These cameras cost a fortune, I kid you not. The film itself costs more than 450 pesos--more than a week's allowance.

Taking double exposed photos is a very overwhelming feeling. I sound so cheesy but whatever. The picture looks a lot better with the effect, especially if it's taken with such effort. The lighting looks amazing and staring at this picture you have just taken is like a warm embrace of your own work. 

 photo credit - (c) http://www.finnieramos.blogspot.com

photo credit - (c) http://www.flickr.com/photos/missvivienne/5931511327/

I want to own a DSLR so bad it has been keeping me up late at night. I would stay awake thinking about owning one and taking photos of everything. But I'm lucky enough to own a digital camera. It's very durable, despite the fact that it has faced so many accidents like  slipping off my palm once I was walking down the street. 

To conclude all these complications, I have been thinking about owning a polaroid AND a DSLR. I haven't got any money to buy one (hell, I can't even afford a DSLR nor a film camera), but I sure will find a way. I could do it all on my own, especially now that I'll be sixteen in 7 months. Time flies by so fast; I can't let it all run in front of me like a black cat attempting to escape. I want to take many photographs as I can so when I get older, I could look at them and wonder how ridiculous I was when I was still young and lost; how senseless I was just by looking at the photos I have taken over the past 60+ years of my existence. 

(I make no sense, don't I?)

Take me anywhere

I know it's a bit too late for this but... We had our exposure trip last November 6! We went to The Philippine Star, College of Saint Benilde and Angelo King International Center (I'm not sure of the name but whatever hehe). 

Diana was absent so I ended up being alone on the bus and with no one beside me. Aw. But that's okay, at least I could stretch my legs whenever I feel like sleeping or tranquilizing. We watched a movie on the way to our first stop, but I forgot the title of the movie. I actually just listened to music the whole trip because I wasn't really interested. 

So going back to what I'm talking about here, our first stop was The Philippine Star and the place looks nice even though some parts of it have billowing cobwebs and cement cracks and all that. The place itself feels like a ragged piece of clothing. 

We first entered this conference room for some briefing and a small talk about journalism. Then we had a small contest. I won a toiletry kit in an orange bag. Teehee.

Anyway our tour guide showed us around the place and it's kind of interesting to know where the morning paper comes from and what it has been through before reaching hands of the consumer. The whole place smells like ink, paper and carbon. I think I'm the only one who noticed this. 

This awesome mac from the editor's office. It's still eMac!

 And the iMac with the lighting I find really awesome.

We left this room and went straight to the room where they print the metal plates wherein they put the first print-outs of the pages. It's printed in a big-ass machine called the AGFA or the Polaris. It's really big I think it's gonna consume 95% of my room. IMAGINE THAT. 

We left Philippine Star to head straight to Blue Wave for lunch. The original plan was to eat in KFC but there were too many people, we can't even squish ourselves in. Plus it's hot inside. So, nope. Then we tried Jollibee. Same atmosphere. We walked around Blue Wave for a long time to look for a decent place to have lunch. Then we found this place but we left immediately because we didn't find the food appetizing at all. I finally found refuge in Subway. I was too happy because I was starting to get so hungry and tired at the same time. Thank God I found Subway. Still thankful because Brice was with me the whole time and he lent me sixty pesos. Mehehe. 

Then we left Blue Wave for CSB. I don't really know where CSB was in the first place, haha. I thought it was far away from La Salle but it turns out that it's just around the corner. The building looks AMAZING. There was this very intriguing bump in the middle of the building. Like a camel's hump. 

We went inside and assembled in the lobby. At first sight I thought the place was an office lobby. With the fancy black couch in the middle and a podium at the far end of the room. I think it's really close to an office. 

Anyway we rode the elevators (yes, they have elevators; which is cool) to go to our first stop. We were with our tour guide and we were all girls, except for Joshua. Nyaha. Our first stop was on this floor with a convention going on. Canon just held a free workshop for Canon camera owners. Wish I had a Canon camera. Wish I had more time...

The animating machine with big parts. This is the original vintage piece!!!

We entered the game development room and I was shocked. Look at the artists, their computers, the way they stroke their hands and the drawings! I kept on whispering, "This is where I belong" or "I have to excel more.." because this room is full of great minds and I'm just there. 

 Coolest thing I saw on the room. 

We left the room and I found this. Of course I took a selfie because the mirror looks pretty and the lighting from the outside is a bonus. 

 My adviser being such a cutie with KC and Joshua plus me. HAHAHA

We reached this green room. It's very spacey I think you could host your own circus event inside. (Minus the acrobats and the jumping clowns from more than 30 feet above). Our tour said this is used for modeling or presentations purposes. I think they should use this for movie screenings every Friday night, with free popcorn and licorice sticks. Yup.

The room above the spacey room with lots of papers on the glass walls. Intriguing stuff right there.

Below you can see the artist drawing something. This is the animating room. But artists do it manually here. From drawings to final sketches to scans and editing and voila, a finished product; a 15-second animated cartoon. 

I saw this girl working on something that looks like a table or a place for disembarkation. I'm not really sure but it looks like it. I liked what she was working on. Sorry for the blurry resolution, though.

This is the camera room. SDA students can borrow equipment here, anytime they want. Yes, I am jealous. They even have the most expensive lens worth half a million! Our guide said you could see SM Mall of Asia through the lens from the CSB campus! Cool beans.

And there was this room called the "Black Box" since everything inside it was painted in black.They use that room for theater and the arts. They said the room was in all black so you could see the effect better. They said during presentations, people look like they're floating in midair. I'd kill to see that effect!

Eighth floor was all about the fashion world. Most of my companions were fangirling everywhere since fashion for them was the most important thing. They were also talking about Dani Barretto since she studies here and there could be a possible sighting of her presence around the campus. Unfortunately not even a shadow of Dani appeared. Sad. 

"Yo what's up?" asked Mannequin 1. "Oh you know, just walking around eighth floor naked. How 'bout you?" Mannequin 2 asked. He was feeling a bit uncomfortable with students looking at them.

Saw this outside the textile room. Awesome ballz.

The SDA library! On its right side is the lounge in which students can rest. I found some students who were sleeping instead of just "resting". Haha, genius.

The moment I saw these little cardboard things, I flinched and thought about John Green and RAPHAW. I remembered Q, the Song of Myself, Guthrie, the strip mall, Agloe, And the hours on the van. If you love reading John Green you'll get to the point immediately. Calling ALL NERDFIGHTERS! Let us weep tears of joy for I have found refuge in this diorama of cardboard boxes/brown paper.

(Nope, I am not going to spill this thing I am talking about!)

The music room was actual heaven for me, for it reminded me of every youtube video of very band recording. Mixers and microphones here and there. This drum set DEFINITELY reminded me of Pat Kirch. 

The infamous machine from the industrial arts department.

We left CSB 2 hours later (or so). AKIC was our next stop; it's a different school but still under La Salle. We ate some snacks, even though I was still kind of full. But I ate, anyways. HAHA. 

Anyway, we began our tour around the building and there were a lot of food everywhere. May it be dummy food or real food, it's still food. And it smelled like marshmallows/espresso coffee/chocolate everywhere. Yes, everywhere. I don't know if it's just me but it really smelled like sweets everywhere. I should go there more often. Kidding!

This is what I'm talking about. These are only dummies. It may not be real but it looks just as appetizing as it may be if it was real...

On the rooftop you could see the restaurant. They have a pool, a patio, a bar and all that. Feels like you're in a hotel. 

The highlight of the trip was this view of the skyline. I never expected it to be this beautiful, especially with sun setting in front of me. The weather was perfect and of course I have to take a picture of it because it was a very amazing sight to see. Students here are too lucky to have this view everyday. They should be thankful to see this happen everyday. 

The last photo was my favorite photo of all because of the gradient. The blues, the whites, the yellows and the oranges go together perfectly. It's very beautiful. 

I had a lot of fun during the trip. I saw a lot of new things and I learned a lot. A few years from now I'd be in college, I'd be like those students. I don't want to sound cheesy here but college is a very big place. I realized that my choice would make a big change on me. Well I hope my choice would make me a better person (or an artist, to be particular. Joke).